MillCorp
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Services

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Creation

Simply  choose which mammal you want from the list and we will create a genetically engineered one for your specific needs.

All our mammals are environmentally friendly and can be consumed once it stops working, reducing ours and your environmental impact.
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Characteristics

When you receive your mammal it may appear that one of its legs has simply been lopped off. This is quite normal and part of the genetic re-engineering process.

If your mammal starts to smell or stop working altogether, it just means it has run out of battery* and you’ll need to buy a new one from us.
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Free products

Free fertiliser – all our products are fitted with a free portable fertiliser.

Simply monitor the rear of the mammal and you will find they produce fertiliser at an alarmingly fast rate. To slow the production down simply feed your mammal with small stones and grit.
*Some batteries can only last a few hours. By buying a slow mammal you accept these terms and guarantee that you will not complain, particularly to PETA.

Slow mammal news

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MillLabs has created the first praying slowmam for those with a religious bent. Archbishop Justin Welby said "I needed a slow mammal, but wanted one to follow a strict religious doctrine", he continues "when I approached MillLabs, they were happy to help and I now have a Gopher, called Reverend Tim, who not only prays with me but can take over Sunday Service if I fancy a lie in". MillLabs confirms that they can produce slowmams proficient in Christianity, Russian Orthodox, Mandaism, Islam, Bhakti and Hinduism.

What our customers say

"I don't think my legs can take any more. MillCorp are so brilliant at doing stuff to do with business and that. I have recommended them to my Aunty who loves a digestive." Laughing Tim
"Wowza, wowza, you guys are just brilliant. I have never ever, experienced such professionalism and dedication to such an awkward thingy in my life. Well done MillCorp, high fives all round, woop de doo da. Zing, zang a zong." Alastair Campbell BNP
"The shoes were very nice and I liked the cakes, they were lovely. Agnes had a nice hat on and knitted the longest scarf I had ever seen. And that young lad had the biggest knob in the world, gripping it was very difficult, I had to use two hands but I eventually got the door open thanks to MillCorp." Mrs Bangers
  • Home
  • About us
  • Brands
    • Bag bag bag bag
    • Lookey Likey Lovelies
    • Crisp Mountain
    • Mr Blue
    • Merthers originals
    • Slowmam
    • Cruddlestrump
    • Leather Smalls
    • Bunny Prison
    • MOT
  • Store
  • Survey
  • News