Simply choose which mammal you want from the list and we will create a genetically engineered one for your specific needs.
All our mammals are environmentally friendly and can be consumed once it stops working, reducing ours and your environmental impact.
When you receive your mammal it may appear that one of its legs has simply been lopped off. This is quite normal and part of the genetic re-engineering process.
If your mammal starts to smell or stop working altogether, it just means it has run out of battery* and you’ll need to buy a new one from us.
Free fertiliser – all our products are fitted with a free portable fertiliser.
Simply monitor the rear of the mammal and you will find they produce fertiliser at an alarmingly fast rate. To slow the production down simply feed your mammal with small stones and grit.
*Some batteries can only last a few hours. By buying a slow mammal you accept these terms and guarantee that you will not complain, particularly to PETA.
Slow mammal news
MillLabs has created the first praying slowmam for those with a religious bent. Archbishop Justin Welby said "I needed a slow mammal, but wanted one to follow a strict religious doctrine", he continues "when I approached MillLabs, they were happy to help and I now have a Gopher, called Reverend Tim, who not only prays with me but can take over Sunday Service if I fancy a lie in". MillLabs confirms that they can produce slowmams proficient in Christianity, Russian Orthodox, Mandaism, Islam, Bhakti and Hinduism.