Lookey Likey Lovelies offer guaranteed dopplegangers for your special event. Some can juggle, others can dance, and our Paul Daniels can do genuine magic tricks (especially eating glass). Whatever your needs, desires, thoughts, tingles, fluffs and wishes, we can provide them. Here is our current roster of talent – you’ll need to look very carefully, it’s hard to separate the real superstar from our top notch talent! Our endorsements speak for themselves.
Des is Mr Burns, Catweasle, Kenneth Williams, Stephen Hawkins and Jeremy Corbyn. Do you require a nimble waif like character we can go from Mr Burns to Robbie Burns at the drop of a hat? Then Des is not your man. He will stay “in character” the entire time as long as the character is Scottish man living in Kent working for a Nigerian bank. If you want anything else, you need to fuel him up with Ale and press go after 5 pints. For a more authentic Stephen Hawking look, just double the dosage. Mr Anthony Git told us “I think we over refreshed our Hawking as he became so unintelligible that his theories on space & time sounded like someone waffling on about sprockets”.
Neal is Poldark, Kevin Rowland, Doyle (The Professionals), Pervy older Krankie and Sid the Sexist. Neal is our crowd favourite (with woman of a certain age) as Poldark. Our Poldark is happy to disrobe and "do it" with anyone who fancies a bit, and when he's finished he will happily "Come on Eileen" as Kevin Rowland. Mrs B Rinse commented “Fuck mine, Poldark is amazing. They had to replace all the sofa covers in the retirement home and Winnie’s still trying to sloosh it out of her eyes. He needed some help packing though.”
Chris is Marty Feldman. Yep.
Nick is Bradley Wiggins, Rodney (Only Fools), Derren Brown, Charles Hawtrey and poet Pam Ayres. I once knew a woman named Sue Who needed a very large poo She got stuck in the toilet With bimbily boil it And didn’t know what she should do Mrs Grillit said “Pam’s poems need more work, rhyming cat with twat wasn’t appropriate for a 6 year old’s birthday party. Though her rendition of Sweaty Betty was very moving.”
Big Steve is Shrek, Jaws (007), Wallace (without Gromit), Greg Wallace and Quentin Tarantino. Foody Steve is great for any roles that require giants though his fondness for cheese has meant that he also does a mean Wallace too. And we don't just mean Wallace, we mean Greg Wallace, yes two for the price of one. One minute he will be fixing things and saying 'it's like no cheese i've ever tasted' and as soon as he puts on those glasses he says 'it's like no cheese i've ever tasted' - marvellous. NB: our Greg Wallace does not each cheese unless it's on a badgers heart or a sheeps bumhole. Mrs Agatha Crustie said "He really is enthusiastic about food. So much so that the scoffed his way through our vol au vents in minutes and wouldn't leave until I offered him potato based snacks. Peculiarly, he insisted on licking our budgie on the way out."
Trev is Harry Redknapp, Donald Trump, Steve Davies, Paul McCartney (old version) and Yoda. Can also be Debbie Magee if you ask him nicely. By far our most popular lookey alike is Trev's Donald Trump. He can pout, do a comb over and says "drain the swamp". As the hirer of a Donald, you are responsible for his actions, the real DT does what he wants and so does this one. Mrs Fanty Partington said "First he tried to grab everyone 'by the pussy' and then called our Chairman a short fat communist, he's not a communist. Things came to a crux when he spent 10 minutes in the gents loos shouting 'it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and mine works'. When we tried to throw him out he kept shouting "fake news' at Shirley the tea lady whom he referred to as 'sugar tits'. It's made her feel self conscious about her Belgian buns."
Trev is Gordon Ramsay, Gerard Depardieu, Elton John, Dale Winton and cheeky racist comic Jim Davidson. Trevor is very shy and retiring but with a teeny bit of coaxing can do the following: Gibber, shake, shimmy, sing, wiggle, nosh, whittle, shout loudly, drip, build a bridge, fluff, crunch, trot and whinney. He won't do pictures. Mr David Kneel said "He was a bit cock sure of himself to be honest. He came in, helped himself to some finger food, had a few beers and within minutes he was break dancing on grandmas kitchen floor. And we didn't even invite him to Bert's wake, no one knows where he came from? He had an answer for everything and left abruptly saying 'this party is shit, there aren't any birds here' then meandered to the under 18's disco down the road." NB - Fan favourite Jim Davidson now only does mysigynistoc jokes in case he offends anyone.
Dr Mark is Louis Theroux, bloke from Blue peter (he’s called Mark as well), Dr Spock, Timmy Mallet and Margaret Thatcher. Mark's ever popular Maggie is very good for cheap office parties. She can steal the "milk" off employees and impose a Poll Tax on all the gentlemen guests, saving you a fortune and discouraging further participation. Mr Brass Monkeys said " I was having fun one minute and the next I was being fined for having a big knob and my beer was nicked by her cronies - very lifelike, took me back to the good old days of picket lines and 15% interest rates". Hunger Strike parties are also popular with tight employers. True fact - Dr Mark is not a real Doctor but Dr Spock is.
John is Harry Potter, Lofty, Roy Chubby Brown, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Penfold. John is relatively new to the game but he does shine in every aspect of his work. Spending much of his time on exotic holidays you would have thought he had more in common with Gary Glitter than Harry Potter but John's boy Wizard is amazing. His close links with Griffithdor means he has an unbreakable bond with Harry Potter. He has the same scar, more snail shaped than lighting. He has a magic wand which is similar in size to that of a boy child baby. And finally a broomstick, in that, there are several inanimate objects in his drive that he can sit on but alas, never move like the real Harry potter does. Mr Grumpus Pluffledwarf said "Harry was brilliant, his wand was extraordinarily wizened and realistic. Some guests did remark that Harry had 'tubbed out' a bit and his famous 'expelliarmus' spell sounded like 'anotheradams' but overall was a success. Strangely, he sang whispering grass at the end and just walked off without saying goodbye."
Genuine Italian Dominic specialises in Italian acts - Paul Daniels, Phil Collins, Cliff Richard, Roland from Grange Hill and Sly Stallone. “Paul” can do magic tricks and turn “tricks” with partner Debbie Magee. He can also say “not a lot” in a Paul Danielsy voice. As Phil, he can feel it “coming in the air tonight” if you want him to? Touches bums and says "that's magic". His complete unlikeness to the rest of them should not put you off. Mrs Nifty Buckle warbled “ His Rocky was brilliant but his Rocky II was unconvincing, uncle Frank decked him with one punch and he didn’t say ‘Adrian’ once”.
Harry is Uncle Albert, Graham Norton, Compo, bloke from casualty and hilarious Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Usually coupled with our very own Del Boy & Rodney, Harry has grown under eye bags to rival the original Uncle Albert. His Graham Norton is amazing and can demo his Gay credentials if you ask him to play darts. He also looks very dapper in his very own Compo outfit. His one man show, Vladimirs' Pussy Riot, is very popular amongst Eastern Europeans and in-form Oligarchs. Mr Trotsky Icepick said "I couldn't see the riot very well, it was blocked by what looked like hairy chicken necks. I also avoided the free perfume as it seemed to asphyxiate one or two people."
Mick is Worzel Gummidge, Dot Cotton, Wicked Witch, Morrissey and Danny La Rue. Versatility is the name of the game for our Mick. No sooner have you said “cup o tea and a slice of cake” than Mick will have a fag in his gob saying “oooohhh Nick”. His Wicked Witch is so realistic he uses his mini witch guns to blast away at any naughty unbelievers. He looks like Morrissey and shares all of his values. Mrs A Doris said “His version of Meat is Murder was chillingly good, we’re booking him for a Friends of the Earth Gig next year though he did insist on liver and bacon for his din dins”.NB- As the Wicked Witch, Mick uses live rounds in his act and despite all warnings, he insists on using guns around the kids, we would suggest standing at least a mile away or distracting him with videos of people being mutilated or shat on.
Ian is Rod Hull, Frank Bough, Terry Wogan, Jimmy Cricket and John Noakes. Rod is one of the funniest acts we have. He loves groping guests and pretending to attack them. He can also recreate that moment when he fell off the roof as our Rod is rubbish at fixing things as well. Rod is currently on sabbatical for 3 months and will be available from July 2019 or June with good behaviour. John Noakes is popular with Hen do's and always attracts a five star rating. Mrs Lottie Drycrust commented "John Noakes Shep was very persistent. The dog seemed to pop out from nowhere and despite saying get down Shep, it persisted on bashing it's pinkie against my cheeks. It wasn't even on a lead, must have been in a bag as I could hear a zip."
Mick is Magnum, Hulk Hogan, Bloke from Walking Dead, Matthew Kelly and Borat,. One of our premium talent and has dedicated his life to his portrayal as Magnum PI. Has worn the moustache for years and can also perform Dental Surgery, if your guests like that sort of thing. “Hulk” can sometimes be accused of being underfed but when you’re pinned on the floor screaming ”no, no, no” there’s only one outcome… Can also do Matthew Kelly for a fiver. Mrs Scratchyballs said “His northern twang really did bring Hulk Hogan to life”. Arthur Bust said "The Stars in their Eyes sections of the show was a bit of a let down, an erection with a wig on it is not Elvis and we never saw Elvis spitting in real life."
Jamie is David Walliams, Wee Jimmy Krankie, Creepy Doll from Dr Who, Piers Morgan and fun loving sex pest Gary Glitter. Jamie has appeared in many Asian films having spent time abroad, some say he honed his Gary Glitter whilst there. Our favourites are Gary Shitter rides again and Ladies of The Night are Really Boys With Willies. Mr Ufuk Aziz said "He did all his main characters for us which was amazing, but the finale double act of Gary Glitter and Wee Jimmy Krankie was spoiled a little after we discovered he couldn't do both at the same time. My son's best friend Freddy hasn't returned to school after standing in for the teeny Krankie chap/lady/thing and we are being hounded by Jamie for the return of his red cap and stirrups."
Colin is a Bear, George Dawes, Phil Mitchell, Big Daddy and Uncle Fester. Why train a bear when you can use a human? His hairy antics will truly get guests choking in their meals – waiter there’s a hair in my soup? Not half! When requesting George Dawes please give a week’s notice for de-fluffing. Enid Frangipan said “His Big Daddy tits were enormous – even bigger than the real thing”. Graham Grumpybin commented "Uncle Fester was mildly entertaining until we gave him a Gin & Tonic. He then stripped down to his underpants and transformed into what I could only describe as a very angry Chewbacca who dislikes cats." Despite numerous requests, Colin can no longer do Mr tumble because of the high degree of fitness required for the role.
Charles is Friar Tuck, Mike Reid, Bob Carolgees, Benny from Crossroads and Peter Kay. Having starred in the West End smash hit “The Merry Men touched my Jewels” and other Robin Hood tales, our Friar Tuck does not fail to impress. You supply the leg of ham and “Tuck” will fight you with his hidden staff. "Mike" is happy to host a game of runaround at your home. Mr M Hole from Sidcup said “I loved Spit the Dog as a child but your Bob Carolgees just spat on the guests rather than just pretending. He said it was hyperrealism. I became more suspicious (and upset) when Bob suggested a Spit Roast for the birthday girl, his carrots were disappointingly all over the place.”
Tracey is Aunt Sally (jizz version), Charlies Angels (of course), Exorcist lady, Barbara Dickson & Brian May from Queen. A firm favourite is Tracey’s tourettes ridden exorcist lady. Watch as she shouts “your mother suck’s cocks in hell” or “that Jaffa cake was mine you cunt” to your unsuspecting guests. She can also growl, whinny and puke on demand. Babs & Brian can only be done on very bad hair days or after Worzel has been making an extra effort during his double act with Aunt Sally. George Frantic said “I discovered too late that the Exorcist lady was very genuine, our verger Maude got stabbed in the eye with a crucifix, there was a lot of blood but we did get the stain out of the carpet eventually. They did make amends - I got £10 back and Maude got a free eyepatch, so fair enough”
Di is Sid James, back up Doyle, Del Boy, Olive from on the Buses and all round sex pot Ann Widdecombe. Like Sid James, Di hails from South Africa growing up on the Veldt, having been mainly fed on grass she was perfect to be our Del Boy. Her piece de resistance is that of Sid James, in particular his trademark laugh. Di can "wa, ha, ha" under even the most boring circumstances. Hired as stand in for Mother Teresa after her sudden death, Di loudly laughed through all speeches on child poverty and sex trafficking, bringing a lot of joy into the rather sullen room. Mrs Bufty Wuftington said "Angelina Jolie had just finished her speech on the Refugee Crisis when 'Sid' followed and said, bold as brass. 'Blimey, they're bigger than I thought, can I have a feel how firm they are?' To this day no one knows why Angelina was holding two ripe melons." Can double up as Doyle if Neal is on other business.
Keith is Christopher Biggins, George Michael (the unknown later years), Noel Edmunds, Pat Sharpe and Toyah! So faree…so goodee. “Chris” will say his catchphrase at the drop of a hat, some mistake his swearing for grumpiness but that was part of Chris’ genuine persona off camera. George Michael fans get a glimpse into the unknown future when we see George retired, but still very much gay. Does a very good combo impression as George Michael and Toyah. Simply take him into the bogs, wait until it’s fully in and he will say “itthhh a mythtury” – the ToyahWilcocks is £10 extra. Mr M Twain said “Never again”.
What our customers say
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"The shoes were very nice and I liked the cakes, they were lovely. Agnes had a nice hat on and knitted the longest scarf I had ever seen. And that young lad had the biggest knob in the world, gripping it was very difficult, I had to use two hands but I eventually got the door open thanks to MillCorp." Mrs Bangers